He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
