I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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