party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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