I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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