Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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