There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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