Tell her she can't have a vagina
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
