im having a threesome with these popsicles
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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