Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
