and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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