If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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