So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
