he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Randomize
