Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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