you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
high people should be assigned attendants
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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