...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
