I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
