I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
