That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
