Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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