it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
