dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
