in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
