i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
