Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
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