I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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