UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
