You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
