things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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