Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Randomize
