It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.�
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
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