ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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