I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
