Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Still dying that you shit outside
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
