Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
