According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
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