you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
