dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
