What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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