from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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