Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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