So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
