You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
