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I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
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