guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
