No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
