Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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