He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
