My hand turned me down
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
