I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Are my feet made of real feet?
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Randomize
