im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Houston, we have a squirter
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
