Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
