i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
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