At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
